Hindi ko mapaliwanag ang saya na nararamdaman ko the past days. Sobra, Para kong pumasa sa board exam o kaya nagkaroon ako ng isang milagro. I can’t remember how many times I say “thank you” to God since the last week. Hindi ko na din mabilang mga nadasal kong Our Father, Hail Mary at Glory Be sa bawat exam na pinagdadaanan naming halos kada linggo. Kung isa ka sigurong med student, maiintindihan mo ko. But suddenly with this grateful feeling inside me, I felt a little pain inside me and now I cannot understand.
It was an unexpected conversation with our Dean, yeah THE Dean of Medicine He is, last Friday after our hellweek/puro exams week plus my lab conference. He gave us tips on how to study and twas an honor hearing the story of his life as a medical student. Here are some:
· Set an Objective
· Teach yourself ro read more quickly
· Attend Speed Reading Class this summer vacation
· If you don’t understand a concept in three readings, read 5, 6, 7 times or more!
· Sleep, Eat, Read. – Life of a Medical Student (should be)
· Comprehend, Retain, Integrate
· Time between each class—- review previous topic discussed until next professor comes
· Saturday—review every lesson from mon to fri
· Sunday-review again then advance read
· SET YOUR MINDS FOR IT!
What hit me most was not included in those tips. It was when he told us that he missed a lot of family gatherings, he lost his pre-med friends and no more partying except when there’s party in school required to attend. Lost of words now. I don’t know what my next sentence would be. But inside of me just want to burst out and ask DO I REALLY HAVE TO DO THIS? What pains me most is I actually sacrificed a lot since I enter med school but then that was not enough! And what the hell, ironically, crazy as I am, confusing as life is, I WANT THIS! I really want to be a good doctor. I really want to care for the sick, heal the sick, love the sick, cure the sick, whatever you call it; I want to be a doctor. The question is, how much I am willing to sacrifice to become what I want, to become what I dream to be. It would be hurtful just thinking about situations when all your friends talk about something and you don’t know anything, when you want to chitchat about your med life with your non-med friends then they’ll won’t understand you or worst they’ll be fed up with your stories, when you missed your brother’s birthday because you had to study for exams, when you just want to rest or sleep even there’s a family bonding, when you had to leave home and live in a dorm not too far from school, when all you do is study study study when others party. All these I’ve felt, and it was awful.
Lahat yan nadanasan ko noong isang linggo. Isang linggong puro exams, puro panalangin, puro pagtanggi sa pakiramdam na mahirap at masakit magsakripisyo. Oo may choice ako, may choice ako na iBALANCE kuno ang buhay ng pagiging med student. Pero napapatunayan ko na ata na there’s no such thing as balance in medschool. The grave of every sacrifice is the grave of how much desperate you are in getting your dreams. Para siguro sa sobrang talinong mga tao hindi applicable toh. Pero para sa kin oo. Kanina sabi sa isang bible verse, may isang babae na desperado mahawakan yung damit ni Jesus kahit gano kadaming tao dahil sa paniniwala niang she will be healed when he touch His clothes. Para bang gagawin ang lahat para sa gusting gusto niya. Sabi kanina ni Bro. Bo sa the feast, Desperation is a good thing. Yung large crowd against the woman reaching for Jesus is a sign of obstacles in reaching what you really want, in reaching your dreams. Now I realized that maybe these sacrifices are obstacles I need to face and win over if I really want to reach my dream. It would be really hard, long and painful but as I get nearer and press in to the crowd, that would be the best part. For I know that every obstacle I am in, that would not only make me closer to my dream but would make worthy to be in the Healing Ministry of Christ.
I know I haven’t prayed on my prayer time lately, haven’t worshiped You, haven’t prayed intimately. But I believe you will still listen or read this prayer. Lord God, you’ve been blessing me with so much things —family, friends, material things, comfort and most especially, you’ve blessed me to live some of my dreams — to have good friends, my dream to travel Europe and my dream to be in med school. All these Lord is because of You. But now I’m writing this prayer to ask for guidance. I’ve decided to live far away from comfort of home and care of family this second semester of school. For the next months, people should find me only either in school, library, church, coffeeshop or dorm. When I asked my friend if I should go for it (dorm) she said no, there are a lot of temptations. I haven’t really been good when I was in a dormitory/apartment back in college. I always say I’m a changed person now, but only You Lord can judge me. A lot of things will change next week. I have to endure everything - being homesick, living independently and all those stuffs of living far away from home. But I have to do this. I think I’ve prayed enough for this and if not, only You Lord can fill those missing pieces. I’ve been sacrificing almost everything since I entered med school (people who know me I think agrees here) but the greatest sacrifice will be this - Living far away from my family who inspires and encourage me the most. But again I have to do this. Prepare my heart Lord for this and for the rest of the second semester. I know this will be much harder than the first one. But I believe that with You everything will be possible. Lord, sana po di kayo matorete sa mas madami pang paulit ulit na dasal. Sana po sagutin nio po lahat but let Your will be done pa din Lord. Amen.
estupidongjuantamad asked: Oo les typo HAHAHA tawa nga ako nang tawa e hahahah Kabang kaba na ko kasi malapit na nclex exam ko AHHAHAHAHAH :)
hahahaha! nagising ka bgla noh tpos nagsearch sa wiki haha joke o tlga kelan??? pagddsal kita kay st jude! :D